i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
