I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
