I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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