This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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