I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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