Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
PANTIES FOUND
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