The maid of honor just puked.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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