i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
