i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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