Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
