i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
