Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
