just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
