Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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