I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
