In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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