When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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