I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
