"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
