did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
