I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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