Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
