I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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