i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
