i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
