I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Randomize
