Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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