I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
