ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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