i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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