dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
