Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
