Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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