I'm really into asian looking animals
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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