OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
