Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
