I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sext me about skeletons
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
