I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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