You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
