oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
there is glitter all over my balls
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
