you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
