you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize