bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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