I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
