The maid of honor just puked.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
