Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
