If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
