Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
