I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
