I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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