I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
