using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
