whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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