woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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