You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dear god my vagina.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
