i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
