I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
