Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
