I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
