I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
