Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
