Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize