Betty ford says i'm here all night
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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