I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Your penis caused this!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize