I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
