you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
