He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
