is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize