you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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